This story was originally published on mynorthwest.com.
For parents with more than one child, it’s a question often asked but rarely answered: Who is your favorite?
“I know you’ve heard your kids argue, but she got more, but he got more, but he got this, but she got that,” a parenting content creator on TikTok shared.
According to a recent study published by the American Psychological Association, birth order, gender, and personality traits may determine a parent’s preferential treatment.
Researchers found that, on average, younger siblings receive slightly more favorable treatment.
In some cases, the study found parents tend to give older siblings more freedom. And when it comes to sons and daughters, girls tend to receive the “sweet treatment” with the study finding daughters may be easier to parent.
For that same reason, children who are seen as more agreeable and conscientious were also more likely to receive “favored” status.
“But what we also see later on with those kids is sometimes they grew up internalizing the message that love is conditional, so there are other drawbacks to that type of relationship,” psychotherapist and author Niro Feliciano told NBC News.
The study found that more serious effects for children not favored by their parents include struggling with behavior, mental health, academic success, and family relationships, especially among other siblings.
The study’s co-author, Alexander Jensen, said he hopes the study prompts parents to have an honest discussion in their family and to consider their children’s feelings. He also said that parents shouldn’t feel guilty if they find themselves favoring one child over the other, but rather recognize it’s happening and be open to improvement.
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